Sunday, June 12, 2011


Wow. Luke and I watched, Life as We Know It, last night. I may have cried a bit during it.
It really made me stop and think about what would happen to our children if Luke and I were to die. I know that if I died, Luke would take them and vice versa. BUT, what would happen if both of you died...together?
We don't have a will. I know, I know. How irresponsible of us. In our defense, we have had a really hard time trying to decide who our kids would go to.
Grandparents: They did a great job with us, respectively, BUT they have already raised their children and have already done all of that. They don't want to have to do it all over again.
Siblings: The majority of them already have kids. Do they really want to add another 3 to the mix? They have their own routines, their own lives...where would our kids fit in?
Friends: We have really good friends. But again, would we really want to leave OUR 3 children with them? They have their family rules, they AREN'T just wouldn't work.
So, what to do? What have you all decided? OR do you just have the mentality that you will live forever and therefore, don't need to write a will? ;)
Let me know!
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Trapper and Suzy said...

That's a toughie! Trapper and I talked about it for just a second and we both agreed that we'd leave the kids with his sister Ashley and her husband Derek. It'd be too much on our own parents, but Ashley and Derek would be a better fit. Let's just hope this scenario never happens!

Laura said...

They talked a little bit about this at the Relief Society meeting on Thursday. Someone there said they knew a couple who fasted and prayed about a list people who they thought would be "qualified" to care for their children if they were both to pass on. They narrowed it down (much like narrowing down people to serve in a church calling) and said that it was a really spiritual experience. At the meeting they also talked about having a power of attorney (medical and financial) so that if spouse or parents should pass on or be to ill to speak for themselves, you could speak/ act on behalf of them. More they talked about...having files and personal medical and financial information organized. but it is really important to have a will, otherwise the state decides who gets your kids...

Jane said...

Because of Terry's job, we have always had a will, and back up parents, whom we talked to and explained that we fully expected some of the insurance money to be used to help buy another home or add on to their house, plus money to help feed and clothe our sons, and hopefully start or continue college funds. It's wise to visit often to strengthen the bonds between families. so if the worst does happen, the kids would know the new family loves them, Every year or so, the parents should have a meeting to see if everyone is still on the same page. As a grandparent now, I would like to know that I could visit my grandchildren whenever we wanted to, within reason, for they are our connection to our lost children,

stevie kay said...

No will here, either. Mostly because I don't feel 100% comfortable with any of the choices.

My parents most likely would be unable even though they would want to. Even if they could, I feel the same way about them that you feel about yours- their time in raising children is past. I absolutely refuse to let my mother-in-law raise my children. Our philosophies differ on about everything and she's so intensely negative I think it would actually be harmful to a child.

My brothers are in no position nor remotely responsible enough to care for children. I don't foresee that changing in the next decade. Even then, many of their life choices are incompatible with what I want for my kids.

Nick has one sister and she has been verbally designated (to all family members) as their guardian should something happen. I really don't feel she's the ideal choice, but she has a good heart and I guess if I'm dead I can't expect someone to raise my children the exact way I want (because I don't even meet that expectation!!!).

stevie kay said...

Oh yeah, I was also going to mention that a family in our ward got in a horrendous car crash when I was in high school. The parents and the one my age died, but the two youngest (early teens) made it through after extensive surgeries. They were Mike's best friends. Anyway, they had a rather irresponsible, adult brother who wanted to take them and was trying to fight legally for custody. The outcome of being raised by him probably would have been poor. Fortunately, a will had been made and frequently updated designating an aunt as guardian. She raised those boys like her own, did the intensive post surgery care, helped them get psychological help to deal with the stress of losing their family, etc. That will was a life saver for those boys.

lexi said...

Keith and I have been debating this topic ever since we had kids and still can not agree (hence, no will). Laura, I love your advice and plan on doing that with Keith ASAP! It makes me nervous not having a will.