Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Discipline

Sometimes this can be a taboo discussion. A four letter word in some families. You can ask one family how they discipline. You can ask the next family. And they won't be the same. Or they are both struggling with 'their' way. Man, is this normal!

There are SO many different ways to 'discipline' your children. And what makes it even MORE confusing? Each child is different, so if you have found one really great way to discipline child #1, #2 isn't having it.

1.) Recognize that there are SEVERAL ways to discipline. (see below)
2.) Each child is different.
3.) Each PARENT is different....GET ON THE SAME PAGE. Nothing is more confusing to a child than doing one thing and getting away with it and doing the same thing again..and NOT getting away with it.
4.) If you child is old enough, have them make their OWN consequences. This gives them a chance to make some decisions.
5.) You are the example.

Here are some ideas:
-Act upset. If you child does something that you don't approve up. Tell them. Be firm, but not irrational. Make sure that it is something they shouldn't be doing.
-Talk it out. This one is a biggy with my oldest. She is very rational in her thinking, so if I tell her WHY she shouldn't be doing something, she is pretty good and 'getting it'.
-Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. I have a really difficult time doing this. My boys are very hands on..everything and in return most of my things would be broken! BUT, if it is something small...let it go.
-Take away. This is in regards to toys and objects. If a child(ren) is hitting someone with a toy...you TAKE.IT.AWAY. Obviously, it is the source of the problem, so get rid of it. Be sure to replace it with something else, otherwise you aren't making the situation better, but worse.
-Time-outs. This one is a difficult one, so I have taken directly from an article I read:
(Also Known As “Thinking Time”)
Separation and replacement involves separating a child from an object. Time-outs are also a form of separation-separation from a situation. Time-outs (or thinking time) differs a bit depending upon the age and development of the child. The time-outs I'm describing here apply to school-age kids.

Time-outs separate a child from a situation in order to “break” the action and reset it on a new track. Time-outs take the child out of an environment that is reinforcing the negative behavior. For school age kids, time-outs shouldn't always be timed, they should allow the child enough time to change his mood on his own.

Don't threaten time-outs, and don't think of them as punishments (“Hit me again and I'll put you in a time-out!”). They're meant to be used as an immediate, brief cooling-off period.
Time-outs are most effective when a child needs help changing a mood.
A time-out is over once the mood has been changed or the child has calmed down and regained self-control. Let the child determine when a time-out is over-she needs to learn to determine her own moods and rhythms.
Time-outs are designed to remove a child from an environment where she is getting gratification for her negative actions. When she returns, don't let her resume her activity. Let her know that her actions were unacceptable. Move her into a more positive situation, and give her positive reinforcement. “The colors you're using on your self-portrait sure make me think of autumn!”
Parents can take time-outs, too. (I do!)


Read more on FamilyEducation: http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/punishment/45302.html#ixzz1WXjohaAI

And last, but not least....my husband and I are not opposed to spanking. {Gasp} I know, I know. That is so horrible, mean, blah, blah, blah. There is a very distinct difference between spanking/swatting on the bottom and beating. (one way to know? If you, as the parent/guardian, are out of control).

All in all, like I said above. This is a very personal thing. Speak with your spouse and get on the same page.

How do you discipline?

1 comment:

Laura said...

I like that you said that discipline is a four letter word in some families. I read this quote...
“We will never have a greater opportunity to teach and show Christlike attributes to our children than in the way we discipline them. Discipline comes from the same root word as DISCIPLE and implies PATIENCE and TEACHING on our part. It should NOT be done in anger.” –Lynn G. Robbins

and then, I also read this blog post (yes, about spanking) http://notjustcute.com/2011/08/17/spanking-the-post-i-finally-had-to-write/#more-6842

I HAVE spanked, and every single time, I feel like a huge hole in my heart. I think that is an indication that I, personally, did something wrong... or probably, did it in anger. I think there are alternatives to spanking. Each time I've spanked Ive just been to lazy to implement any alternatives. I know better. Anywho...